I was so used to staring at the same view of the doctor’s office by now. It was like a normal routine for me to walk in, the receptionist to know my name, and to sit in what I had deemed my chair in the waiting room. Suppression check day and I passed! A suppression check is where you go get your levels checked and have ultrasounds done to make sure everything is where it needs to be so they can safely overstimulate your eggs. Everything looked incredible and I was right on track for where I should be. I felt a whirlwind of emotions leaving that appt knowing that in the next 15-17 days I could be pregnant.
I had another great ultrasound a few days later, and then went back again on a Saturday morning. Everything was measuring ahead and they told me it was time for me to take my trigger shot that night! I felt instantaneous joy. This could really be happening! My body was accepting everything like clockwork.
As I was driving home I began to pray and couldn’t help but get overwhelmed with the goodness of God. Even though there were still times I questioned why I was going through this process I chose that day to know it was for a reason, and to still believe that through all of the pain, tears, and hurt that God was still good.
I kept seeing an image in my head that was a beautiful blue color with a white feather. I knew I recognized it, but couldn’t figure out where from. Then it clicked and I realized it looked just like the cover of one of my favorite books Angels Walking by Karen Kingsbury. It was about how different peoples lives, circumstances, and how there are specific angels assigned to them for their mission. In that moment I knew that in heaven there were already angels praying on mine, Bryant, and my baby’s behalf. I knew there would be angels surrounding the operating room and I felt a sudden peace! I am not alone. Though sometimes I walked through days feeling so lonely because I had no one to relate to during this journey I knew I wasn’t. God always goes before me.