It is hard to know what to say, or how to be there for a friend battling infertility. Throughout this process I had many friends distance themselves from me, begin excluding me, and just walk away. It hurt. It made me feel even more alone. Even though I was going through something that may make them uncomfortable didn’t mean I constantly talked about it. It was something I kept more private. I just wanted to feel normal.
Looking back over time even though some walked away, my true friends stepped up and showed me how much they truly cared for me! One of the friends that made one of the most significant impacts on my life during this journey was my sweet friend Tiffany. I asked her to help me write this article by answering a few questions for me:
What do you think is an effective way to be there for a friend when they are battling infertility?
Don’t make every encounter about infertility/having a baby. Every so often, ask how their heart is doing. NEVER feel sorry for them because it will only make them feel more estranged from their mommy friends when they feel pitied. Also, if you are truly believing God for their miracle then there’s no need to feel sorry for them as those things contradict one another. But definitely hurt for them. Cry with them, pray with them. Give them room to be angry, hurt, confused without throwing the Bible at them all the time.
What are things you wish people wouldn’t do that they think make people dealing with infertility feel better?
Don’t offer them one of your babies as a joke. It’s not funny. Don’t constantly try to prophesy about a baby to them or bring them up to every prayer line for infertility. They will come if they want. Pray for them on your own.
What are questions you can ask or things you can say that let them know you are there for them and let them share when they are ready?
How is your heart today? I’m here for you, if you’re ready to talk now we can, if not, I will still be here when you’re ready. I love you. (It’s important not to assume that every ache in their heart is all about infertility. They may have other things they need to get out that make the infertility part more difficult even if the two issues have nothing to do with the other.)
To my dear friend Tiffany,
From the bottom of my heart thank you!! You are the true definition of a friend. You opened your door to me crying multiple times. You wouldn’t always ask questions right away. You just let me in, hugged me, cried with me, and met me where I was at. Always listened, checked in on me, and you weren’t afraid to tell me when I was being too hard on myself!
Loyal and honest.
Someone who truly rejoices with you. She is Super Mom! I admire the way she loves, pours into, molds, and teaches her sweet girls how to love fiercely.
All the hugs, kisses, and Auntie LaLa you’re my best friend from her girls- my adorable nieces made me feel so loved during this process! They ALWAYS knew how to lift my spirits! ❤️
I love you!