I went through my fertility journey so many years ago that I didn’t even feel like others around me were going through what we went through at that time. We did the best that We could and felt I had moved on from it. On the last night of the conference they had individual prayer for everyone. They wanted to agree for our miracle. I already hold my miracle so I questioned if I should go down, but a sweet friend encouraged me to go down and let the Lord show me what he wants me to pray about. I stood in line and prayed and God revealed something to me. I didn’t have much time to process because I was close to the front so by the time that I got down to who was praying over me I had such a hard time verbalizing what I was feeling. The Lord wanted me to grieve and let go of all disappointment. Grieve the loss of so many of my little embabies that didn’t make it. Let go of all of my disappointment from the process of what I went through to get pregnant and it not going the way I had thought it would. Let go of the disappointment that I put on myself of not being able to have it all together sometimes. I can be much too hard on myself. That is something I’m daily working on.
After prayer I went back to my seat and got out my notebook and pen to start processing what I was feeling, and what he was speaking to me. Here’s part of what I wrote:
Lord, today I choose to let go of all pain or offense that I have been carrying from my years of infertility. I choose to healthily grieve, let go of that, and give it to you. The pain was not your plan for me. The disappointment was not your plan for me.
I thank you Lord that I leave lighter than I walked into this conference. I uproot every lie and every weed that has been spoken over me or that I have believed over myself. I rip them out at the root where they can no longer grow. They have no room in my life.
I thank you that whatever you have planned for my future is good. I thank you that all sickness or disease is going to leave mine and my husband’s body so we can walk in complete healing. We are made whole in you. You are so so good!
Friends, here are a few questions I want to ask you today:
What disappointment have you held on to that you need to let go of and be free from?
What do you need to fully grieve in your life?