Infertility can be so ugly. So painful. You can feel unseen and unloved. You can feel shame and disappointment. On the outside you look happy, but deep down if you are honest with yourself you have buried all the ugly and covered it up with things that make it look pretty. This is exactly how I used to feel. I lived like this for so long that I made it feel normal for myself. I thought this is my life and this is just how I am meant to feel.
That was me building a wall between me and Jesus. It hurts my heart to admit that and look back and know I allowed it to happen. I would tell myself this is just who I am. Now I know it’s not who he says I am or how he sees me. I labeled myself as something I was never meant to be labeled by. This is who I USED to be.
Now I am FREE. Free from all shame and disappointment. Once I dug down deep and realized all the things that I had pushed away I dug it all back up. It was painful to do that, and brought up a lot of things for me, but guess what? It was so worth it. Now it’s not there anymore. Now the father has washed all of those things away from me. I have chosen over and over again to not let those things take root again. If there’s something deep down that hurts you I would encourage you to lay it at his feet. I went from living my life carrying shame, disappoint, and so many other things that were a huge weight on me, to now living a life of feeling completely free and fulfilled.
What would your testimony be? I would love to hear about it! If you are still in the midst of walking it out you will be get there! Keep being honest with yourself. Keep praying, and keep letting the Lord uncover and reveal the areas of your heart that may need some gardening.