Once upon a time you and your spouse got married and you were ready to live happily ever after.
First came love.
Then came marriage.
Then along came infertility.
Along came the pain of your family not being able to expand like you had always dreamed of.
Along came heartache, devastation, shame, guilt, and uncertainty.
Along came blame. Blaming God for not giving you what you want. Blaming yourself and begging God to show you what you had done wrong to deserve this. Blaming your body for not doing what the world says it’s supposed to do.
Blaming your spouse for them not being able to give you the one thing you always dreamed of.
Here’s the truth, but maybe the hard part for some of you- none of this is how it’s supposed to be. If you look back to when you were dating your spouse the future of starting a family with them was exciting, but it wasn’t the reason you married them. You married them because you thought you were supposed to spend your life with them and you were ready for adventure no matter where that road may take you.
Unfortunately that road brought you to a major crossroad. Imagine there’s a sign sitting in the middle of a fork in the road that reads- your future, your children, or your dreams. There’s two roads you can take. The first road leads you down an ugly path of blame, shame, regret, and so many more feelings. The second road leads you down a path that in some ways can look the same, but the beautiful part is on this road you and your spouse are walking it hand in hand together with your eyes fixed on Jesus.
That means all of those ugly things that come up can be worked through. Remember no one is to blame in this situation. Don’t blame your spouse or yourself. There is nothing you have done wrong to get you to where you are on this journey. Our loving father doesn’t operate and place those things on his children.
I know the heartbreaking feeling of feeling your spouse may walk away from you if you can’t give them a child. That’s why I am such a huge advocate for pursuing your marriage throughout your fertility journey. Remember why your married your spouse to begin with. Date again. Communicate and don’t make all of the communication always be about a baby. All that will do is get you to a place where the sacred parts of marriage no longer feel that way.
Infertility can tear your marriage apart if you let it. You can choose not to let it do that. You can choose to let it propel you and your spouse even closer together. My husband and I chose to bind together and not let infertility get to our marriage. Communication is key in doing this.
How many times have we looked at marriage as a contract and not a commitment? In a contract you are required to fulfill obligations. We walk into marriage with unspoken expectations of what our spouse is supposed to do for us or how they should meet our needs.
When you are committed to your marriage you are doing life together for the rest of your life. No matter the battles that we face, we have to understand we are committed to each other in the highs and the lows.
Do you need to forgive yourself today?
Do you need to forgive your spouse for something they should have never been faulted for?
I want to encourage you to have fun in your marriage again. Remember being married isn’t all about a baby!
Fix your eyes on Jesus friends.